2.02.2010

mis-directed thanks.

so..

i feel a tid bit foolish after that last post.

remember how i said that my jemmers got me through this summer, more than any human being actually did?
+ do you remember how i said i was crazy symbolism-loving?

with those two thoughts combined, i think my post was taken the wrong way.

although i was really struggling at the end of this past summer, and buying jem and having her as a constant in my life those last couple of months really really helped me.. i think i was really just caught up in the moment of her passing on and leaving this life, that i took for granted all the other people who helped me out over the past couple of years, with both similar + different issues that i went through.

first off, my family. they've always been there + offering their full support, no matter what i chose to do with my life. regardless if they agreed with me missing curfew a few nights or falling behind in my schoolwork because i was so caught up in one of many extra-curriculars i was a part of. in fact, i know there's been times when i've disappointed them or made them upset, but i knew then just as i know now that their love for me is unconditional. they care for me so much and every time i fell, they were always there to pick me up, within a moment's notice.



when i got into a serious car accident my junior year after i knew that my parents had already gone to bed, my dad answered my call and rushed over as quickly as he could and stayed by my side until i was released from the hospital. he gave me a blessing, first thing, and stayed composed the entire night. he stayed composed even though everyone from paramedics to police officers around us couldn't stop telling me "what a miracle" it was that i was even alive at that point; that the force from the car would've killed me practically instantly if it hit me a second earlier +  the other car involved wasn't there to cushion the blow. he kept me calm, wiped my tears, and had faith that everything would be alright, even when i was doubtful. he's always been there to comfort me and give me those much-needed father's blessings to help me with anything and everything that i could think of. and for that i am eternally grateful.


my mom has also always been there, always there to talk to me, give me advice, and teach me what was right and what was wrong, when i wasn't so sure of it myself. i can recall countless times over the past eighteen years of my life at home that i would come home from a terrible day at school or have some pent up something that i just needed to talk about.. and regardless of if she was watching the news or reading a book or sewing or talking on the phone or anything- she'd drop whatever it was she was doing so she could talk to me, without my even asking her to. she always just knew. even if i expected it to be a short "q&a" or a quick vent session.. she'd never hesitate to turn off the t.v. or close her book and give me her full, undivided attention. i can honestly say that if i wasn't able to have those talks with her as often as i did, i don't know how i would've gotten through some of the issues that i've had the misfortune of dealing with over the years. she just always knew the perfect things to say, at the perfect times.. regardless of how much i may have wanted to hear it at the time. i'm undoubtedly grateful for her constant and consistent presence as well.


and of course, how is it possible to forget my wonderful brother and sisters? they've each grown to become some of my very best examples and very best friends.


ruth has led the way as the oldest child and gone on to have an (already!) wonderfully successful career in teaching one of her greatest passions (art!) and has also been a supreme example by getting sealed in the columbus temple to drew a few years back. even though the big age gap between the two of us may have made it hard to be close, i'm loving the fact that i live so near to her out here in utah and she's always willing and able to help me out. from driving me to walmart or the dance store to walking home in the hail together with jambas in hand, she's a great listener and has always been a great teacher- i was one of her very first students back in the day when we'd play school in our basement (: she always included me in things, from her sixteenth birthday party having her friends go crazy with decorating my face with all sorts of makeup to just allowing me to come into her room to talk for awhile. maybe someday she'll even trust me to babysit her baby on the way (:


+ evidence from her sixteenth birthday party of my "makeup masterpiece." yes, that is me in the red flapper dress and the eyelashes that reach the sky:


anna and i are the siblings that i feel are the most alike.. and don't ask me why. i just do. although in high school we may not have been as close, when she left for college we became "e-mail buddies," for lack of a better term (: we wrote back and forth and she would tell me things about her and vice versa.. and we learned a lot about each other and were able to develop a very close relationship through those e-mails. as the years progressed (and now i'm out here with her!) we've talked more and hung out more and grown even closer. she's always been the one person in the family who's had a similar passion for theatre.. and maybe that's why we just understand each other so well (: she's followed her dreams as well, and has already accomplished so much more than so many other people her age (and probably more than so many other people just in general). she's graduating in the spring with a double-major in theatre (lighting design) + communications (broadcast journalism) and is absolutely fantastic at both; it completely blows my mind. she's always been so strong and talking to her i can see and feel what a strong spirit she has and she's indefinitely one of those people who's consistently "enduring to the end," in everything she does. wherever she ends up after graduation, i can only hope she'll let me come out to visit her on the start to yet another remarkable journey! (:


last but certainly not least is daniel, my crazy zoombini face little brother. needless to say, he brings out the little kid in me that i so often need to be reminded is still a part of me (: even though my last couple of years in high school i didn't focus as much time on him as i should've, he's never turned his back on me or stayed upset at me for more than an hour, max. he's so lovable and constantly wanting to relive past memories (such as drawing "chin-head" faces on us and making music videos like we did when we were younger) and have just as much fun as we used to. he's so goofy and is so creative, constantly coming up with new words and adjectives (webster's certainly can't keep up!) and games to play. he's always so happy to talk to me when i call and it breaks my heart everytime he tells me how much he misses me. i can't wait to come back and make up for lost time + create new memories this coming summer! i'm forever proud to be your lifesource, dandanoo (:


as close as i am with my family (and the closer i've gotten with them- especially over the past few years), i wouldn't be the person i am today if it wasn't for my amazing friends. and this past summer especially, there's a select few that i could name that helped me loads more than jemma did, just in a different way.

now i don't want to go off listing friends and ranking them or anything.. this isn't some crazy 'top 8' myspace competition. i love all of my friends, and i feel so blessed to have them. and they (should!) already know that, without me having to tell them (: but my last post really offended one of my very very best friends, the only one who's been there since day one, first grade. and even though we've had our disagreements and fights, we've stayed strong. and i would never ever want her to think that i'm putting her importance under anyone. so here's to you, braidsgirl.

you've been there with me since that first day we met in mrs. reynold's first grade class at chapman elementary.. when we thought we were twins because we had the same first name and so we switched places and mrs. r totally went along with it (: from our swingset routines we'd come up with after school at my house to the development of sara(h)^2. to fighting over friends and crying sessions in mrs. smiley's office. coming up with raps on our way out to the football field after rediscovering our bffship during flag auditions when you showed up late and elise + i auditioned with you (: from bad-mouthing all the terrible seniors our freshman year (no names mentioned..) to loving some others (laura!). from the start of "braids" and driving everyone crazy wondering the true meaning behind it, to painting my basement to look like a kindergarten daycare center (: from driving around and calling each other everytime we heard 'see you again' play on the radio, to driving backwards past quiznos and yelling certain explicatives to those inside (; to racing to culver's to get ice cream with brownie bits and trying to speed through looking at our dream houses in powell so we could make it back in time for drama club rehearsal.. even though we rarely did. from sharing secrets and being late for school because of a certain senior shoot out experience (ahahahah) to tim horton's breakfasts and couple's massages with candy + sandy (; from our huge + terrible fight that only lasted a month and half even though it felt like an eternity to "sara ho + sarah beth." from all those nights i went to your house to work on homework and certain things were assumed (whoops!) and other times we'd just have to comfort one another.. mostly you helping me. you've been there since day one. and although we've had our differences over the years or bumps in the road; although we currently live 2,000 miles + away from each other for eight months out of the year; although we don't hardly ever get the chance to talk on the phone as much as we'd like or plan to.. i know that we love each other no less. sara howley whitacre, i'm sorry for ever making you think you were less than a fish, or anyone else for that matter. because you are so so so much more than that. you know (more than most) the kind of mistakes i can make and not realize them until they're pointed out to me. that's why i have always been so grateful to you because you keep me in line. i'm forever grateful + indebted to all the memories, advice, and kleenex you've shared with me over the years. you truly are the definition of a best friend, my first-ever bestie, and a sister to me as well.


finally, the person i probably owe the most thanks to is the big man upstairs. without God in my life, i'm not so sure i'd have made it this far. he's been my constant companion, loving me the unconditional love my friends + family have for me... x infinity. and if you don't think that He loves you.. then just ask him. seriously. i guarantee you'll feel how ridiculously much love he has for you. because i've asked. and i've felt it. and i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He lives and loves me and you, and you, and even you. no matter what you've done, no matter what mistakes you've made, He wants nothing more than for you to be happy and feel His love. whenever i've been down and don't feel like talking to anyone.. or even when i just need a boost, i know i can pray to Him and He'll listen. if you're not very religious this might sound a bit wishy-washy to you.. but i can honestly testify that i know that He's real and he lives. and i have faith that i'll see Him again- just like i know that if i live righteously in this life, i'll live with my family again as well. He loves me. He loves you. and when no one else is there to cheer you on (or even when they are).. He's there. 24/7/52/365. guaranteed.

now, i don't want to make any of my other friends (or family members) that i didn't mention to feel like they're not "good enough" to make it to this post, or anything like that. i've had countless people make a difference in my life, from pre-k to college. so i've compiled some of my favorite pictures (thank goodness for facebook)  that pretty much spell out my thanks to (almost!) everyone else out there that i can think of. again, i can't put up all 48320948329048023 pictures on here from every person i've ever met in my life or else i'd probably get in trouble (+ you'd get bored).. so please don't take offense if you aren't up here. it doesn't mean i hate your guts or anything crazy like that.. it probably just means we didn't take many pictures together (or post them on the fb) .. so if that's you then just let me know + we'll change that asap! (:

so go ahead + take a look in the post below this. it's just another one of my photo dedication posts to some of theeee most incredible + life-changing people i've had the pleasure of meeting over the past years. and if you don't like a picture i've put up with you.. well, let's face it- as crazy as we might look, what isn't fun about reminiscing? (:

3 comments:

  1. ahahah love you too!!! maybe not as much as i love the kevs but--just kidding!! of coruse i love you more than my little crazy guy. i knew you first anyways!!! cute post thanks!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sara Howley WhitacreDecember 25, 2010 at 9:47 AM

    just reread this :) love youuu braidsgirl.

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