2.20.2010

life.

the past few days have been somewhat of a blur to me.

part of it might be due to a concussion i sustained wednesday night, but i'll discuss that at a later time.

so basically, i've been doing a lot of resting and recovering and relaxing. but above all else, i've been thinking.

right now i'm laying in my dorm room on a friday night, while my friends are out partying and such, my family's probably asleep (either in ohio or here in provolone), and i'm just getting a bit of time to myself.

and i have so much running through my mind at once.

i don't really know what to say, especially because i don't want it to be anything i'll regret saying later. but i just feel like lately, i've been getting really caught up in different sorts of perspectives on life. whether its specific moments in the past or worries about generalities in the future.. i feel like i've blown through quite a few of them in the past week or so. so pardon my ramblings.

i have a huge passion for photography. and i don't know why. i love taking pictures. i love taking pictures of people, most especially. and i know it sounds kind of ridiculous to mention.. but in the past week on facebook, i've had almost 10 of my friends change their profile pictures to a photo that i took. and it just made me feel good, so don't judge (: i just love pictures. i love how incredibly much you can capture in just a single shot. one picture literally says more than a thousand words.. tells a story all on its own. people make fun of me for constantly toting around my camera with me or for taking too many pictures or for having almost 3,000 pictures of myself tagged on facebook. but to be completely honest, it doesn't bother me. i love being able to look through and reminisce; being able to look at a picture taken of me days, weeks, months, even years ago and remember what i was doing before it was taken.. what i was thinking.. who i was with.. and so on. now, that might just sound soso dumb, i realize that. but it's fun for me to have these flashbacks (: i don't know. i just love pictures. and i'll never stop taking them. i'm just grateful to have a friend (dr. clifford!) who has now twice been willing to go on a photography extravaganza conmigo around campus. it's so pretty out here. and i'd like to think we do a decent job capturing some of that (:

i think at like a million miles/second. before i even thought of starting this post, my mind was racing. thinking an incredible amount of things. from my headache to grey's anatomy to my friends to how much i dislike females right now to boys (!) to the topic of trust to music to facebook to how messy my room is to what i'm going to do with the rest of my life. honestly, i don't understand my train of thought. not in the least bit. but i lovelovelove those moments when mace (roommate) or i will just randomly say something + it'll make absolutely zero sense to the other.. until we explain the train of thought -that happened within practically a split second- that led from point A (what we were previously talking about) to point Z (whatever was just blurted out). the human mind, the human body, simple imagination.. it's amazing. which brings me to..

dreams fascinate me. last night i had theeeeeee single most spectacular dream of my life. and i've only said that once before, as far as i can remember.. last fall, actually. and this one tops it.. by far. incredibly enough, it was just about the same kind of dream.. about the same people/person.. and in just about the same setting. but it was different. beautifully different. sometimes i wonder if my dreams are ever going to become literal reality. because if last night's dream ends up happening any number of years (or months or weeks or days.. or anytime, really) from now, i'll probably be thee happiest person alive. it's just so.. fascinating how we dream about people we know or people we have yet to meet; things that have previously happened or events that we wake up from and realize they would never ever in a million billion years happen in real life. we dream about wonderful things that make us never ever want to wake up (and we proceed to try falling back asleep + continue dreaming the same dream the moment we do), but we also dream about things as scary as the death of our loved ones.. when the one thing we want to do is wake up and run and hold them and realize it really was just a dream. we dream about things that defy all the laws of physics, like flying across the ocean. to be completely honest, i don't know if i'd want to know the answer to all the 'whys' of our dreamings, if i was given the chance. it's just so captivatingly mind-boggling. and i love it.

now, i might as well mention that i'm a strong believer in deja vu (don't judge!), like the whole "i'vetotallydonethisbefore" moments.. they legit happen to me all the time. and when they happen, i genuinely distinctly remember dreaming about them before. it's weird. maybe i'm some crazy kind of fortune teller (!) or something. not likely, i know. but i'll cross my fingers that i'll have the blessing of being able to look back at some point and remember having last night's dream become my own personal reality (:

i'm crazy about music + the beautiful lyrics that comes from it. i've never been a huge fan of poetry, but i'm absolutely addicted to any and all shapes, types, and forms of lyrics. and quotes. which i guess are their own form of poetry all by themselves.. i have countless collections of different lyrics, quotes, captions, etc. saved on my laptop. i love how whatever the writers of these countless songs were thinking can translate to describe exactly what i'm feeling at certain times in my life. i love that i can relate to them.. and i also just looove the fact that completely normal people, like you or i, have the ability to sing so beautifully. or play some crazy cool kinda instrument. like the piano. jfdkaslfjdaklfs; that's a different story entirely. in the past few months, i've grown to have an incredible passion for the piano.. and i jump at the opportunity to listen to anyone play. it's my favorite instrument. and it can be so easy + basic to play, like little kids learning how to play 'hot cross buns' or 'mary had a little lamb.' but it can also be so difficult, from others learning to play mozart or beethoven or some other complex piece. not to mention, my most favorite thing about piano is probably the fact that i can teach myself (!) + right now i'm working on the song 'let it be,' one of my all-time favorite songs by my all-time favorite band, the beatles. my only hope is to do them proud (:

fjdskalfjdaskl;
i'm now listening to an album that my friend+his cousin just came out with on itunes a few hours ago. it's beautiful (: + was kind of part of the inspiration for my writing this post. so go buy it! they're incredibly talented. just search 'austin eckel' on itunes; his album's called 'isolated.' you won't regret it, guarrrannnnnnteeeeedd.

sorry for my random rambling. this is just what happens when i'm home alone recovering from a head injury. (:

here's a few of my favorite pictures from my latest photography escapade with elliot. enjoooooooy:



+ if you want to see more, then check out my album on facebook called 'adventures in a shopping cart' (:

1 comment:

  1. photography major? byu has a really sweet photog program...

    love reading your posts...just have to set aside time in my day to actually read them in entirety ( :

    ReplyDelete

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